Akatsuki Interviews
by Dark and Death
Summary: Shortly after their death, the Akatsuki must answer ten interview questions in order to proceed to Heaven.
1. An Interview with Sasori Akasuna

**Death: Warning, may contain spoilers! Note that this is taking place in the afterlife. This is the updated version since Dark told me that a user named "MrGoodyTwoShoes" said it was not allowed. This is the new, updated version. YOU HAPPY NOW "MRGOODYTWOSHOES"?  
**

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An Akatsuki Interview With Sasori Akasuna

"Interviewing with us today will be Sasori Akasuna. Sasori, do you have anything you want to say before we start the interview?" Death asked.

"How long is this going to take? I hate waiting." Sasori complained.

"Relax. You're dead. You've got all the time in the world." Death gestured with her hand.

"Right... Chop, chop." Sasori said.

"Alright. Question one, what were your hobbies?" Death coughed and held up a white sheet of paper.

"Oh, that's easy. Remolding my puppet collection of course." Sasori perked up.

"How do you make a human puppet anyway?" Death asked.

"Oh, that's easy. I could show you if you gave me an actual human." Sasori explained.

"Here." Death then reached into the portal to the living and pulled out a random kid. She then handed it to Sasori.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Those were the kid's last words before...

...

"And that's how you turn human flesh into a puppet." Sasori announced as he held up a little-kid puppet.

"Very interesting." Death clapped her hands. "But what do you do with all the flesh and bones?"

"Oh, I used to feed them to Zetsu." Sasori claimed.

"Ah... Question two, what was you're favorite food?" Death asked once more.

"I don't eat."

"I meant when you were a child."

"Oh... Mochi I guess." Sasori put a finger on his lip.

"Ooh! What flavor?" Death questioned.

"Um... Red bean? I don't know, It's hard to remember." Sasori fumbled.

"No biggie." Death held up her list once more. "Question three, why are you called Sasori of the Red Sand?"

"Tsk," Sasori leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms. "because some idiot left over from the war saw the sand soaking red with blood after I took down that entire nation. Next question."

"Question four, from Thunder. Why do people associate you with scorpions?" Death asked.

"What kind of question is that?" Sasori held up three fingers. "My name means "scorpion", my symbol is a red scorpion, Hiruko had a scorpion _tail_, and apparently, my sign is a _Scorpio_. It's not that hard."

"Which brings me to question five, from Breeze. If you are a Scorpio, why do you refer to yourself as _emotionless_ when water signs like yourself are all about emotion? Oh, I can answer this." Death looks at the (your) screen. "As you can see, Breeze. Sasori seems to be showing a lot of emotion just from this interview. Does that answer your question?"

"Hey. Whatever. I'm dead so it doesn't even matter." Sasori said as he turned his nose up.

"Yep, he's real emotional." Death whispered.

"What was that?" Sasori gave Death a death glare.

"Nothing. By the way, I invented that." She points at death glare. "Anyway, question six, from Snow. How did you feel when you got defeated by a girl with _pink_ hair and your own grandma?" Death did a little silent chuckle "Ooh... Nice one Snow!"

Sasori face palmed. "I believe we've all had really embarrassing moments in our life... But to answer your question, Snow, I felt like shit."

"Granted. Question seven, from Blizzard. Why did you let your own grandma kill you?" Death moved on.

"Because I was sick of following Pein's stupid orders for him. 'You have to catch the three tailed Jinguriki for me and stand by as my slaves as I rule the world' and blah, blah, blah. That greedy bastard doesn't even have any consideration for us. It's just a load of crap!" Sasori yelled.

"Wow, you're certainly more emotional than I thought." Death commented.

"What of it?" Sasori narrowed his eyes at her.

"Er... Onto question eight. Why did you even join the Akatsuki in the first place?" Death asked.

"To expand my collection of course, and to show off my artwork. Also for the neat looking robes." Sasori answered.

"Those robes are pretty cool... Ok, question nine, from... Yaoi fans." Death winced. "What kind of relationship do you have with Deidara? And if you had to kiss him somewhere, where would it be?"

"He's just a little brat that constantly keeps people waiting on a regular basis and doesn't know the_ true_ meaning of art." Sasori sighed. "Then again, he's _my_ little brat, so not all that useless. And I am _not_ answering that last question."

"But you have to..."

"Or what?" Sasori challenged.

Death opens up a portal to hell.

"Alright, alright. Fine." Sasori gave in.

Death slowly closes the portal.

"The hand, I guess." Sasori sighed.

"Just the hand?"

"Yes!" He did a little puppet blush. "Now next question."

"Hmm... Alright, last one question, from Vouvezsoir, why do you keep your heart in a Pringles container?" Death knit her eyebrows.

"What? Someone actually found out?" Sasori looked bewildered. "~CENSORED~"

"Calm down and answer the question already!" Death shouted.

Sasori stopped and sat back down. "Ugh, because it has good ventilation and it was the only thing that I could find around the hideout that could actually fit my heart." He sighed.

"So... You painted it?" Death asked.

"Of course. Couldn't have the rest of the Akatsuki tease me about having a retarded mustached faced guy's logo printed on something as precious as my heart." Sasori crossed his arms.

"Ok... Well, that's it for the first chapter of Akatsuki interviews views! Coming up next will be an interview on Deidara! Stay tuned, people of the living!" That was Death signing off.

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**Death: There will be another upload shortly! Don't worry, we will be sure it interview _all_ of the Akatsuki.**


	2. An Interview with Deidara

**Dark: The second chapter is here! Please note that is you have any questions for the Akatsuki, please feel free to write it on a review or PM us. We will give credit to you by inserting your username, or if you are a guest, a nick name (Fire, Sun Eclipes). **

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An Interview with Deidara

"Hello again! Death, here! Interviewing with us today will be Deidara. Deidara do you have anything to say before we start the interview?" Death started off with.

"True art... IS AND EXPLOSION!" Deidara yelled.

"No, wait!" Death pleaded.

"KATSU!"

. . .

"Sorry, for the short intermission, people of the living. Deidara just blew up the previous studio to smithereens so we've moved to the one next door." Death explained.

"Sorry, un." Deidara scratched the back of his head and blushed.

"Ok, lets start with question one. What are your hobbies?" Death asked.

"Experimenting with different types of explosions, un! Would you like an example, un?" Deidara held up a small clay bird in his hand.

"No, no! That's Ok. I think we've all had enough of your _art_." Death gestured with her arms.

"Hm."

"Question two. What are your favorite foods and why?" Death asked.

"Oh, bakudan, because it means bombs, un!"

"Ah... What is bakudan anyway?"

"Boiled eggs in surimi." Deidara answered.

"Oh, Ok. Question three, from Comet. Why do you almost always end your sentences with _un_ or_ hm_?"

"I don't know, it just seems natural, un." Deidara shifted his shoulders.

"Right... Question four. The rest of the Akatsuki describe you as very jumpy and hyperactive. Second to Tobi even. How do you respond to this?"

"Well... It's fun, un! You can't be all emo like Itachi and Sasori. No way, un!"

"Hey, don't dis on your Danna like that!" Death scolded as she slapped Deidara on the back of the head.

"That hurt, un!" Deidara whimpered.

"Ok, question five. Going back to the fight with Sasuke, why did you blow yourself up when you still had a chance against him?" Death moved on.

"Because I missed my danna, and I couldn't take that pumpkin headed idiot Tobi anymore."

"I can relate. Question six, from Sky. Do you ever... Make out with your hand mouths?" Death winced.

"That's not what they're for, un!"

"Answer honestly..."

"No, I don't make out with my hand mouths!"

"Really..." Death pushed.

"Yes, un!"

"Ok... Question seven, from Glow. How do you keep your hair looking so soft and shiny?

"Oh, conditioner, un."

"I thought guys don't put on conditioner." Death knit her eyebrows.

"Some guys like me, are so in touch with their manliness that we aren't even opposed to were it." Deidara crossed his arms and turned his nose up. "Plus they make your hair all shiny and smooth. Just ask Hidan, he uses conditioner too, un!"

"Wow. I didn't not know that, Deidara. Ok, question seven, from Galaxy. Since you have very long hair, does that get in the way when your flying or fighting?" Death asked.

"Yes, un! You want to know how I got the scope? Because there was so much hair in my lovely eye that I had to get it _surgically_ removed and insert the scope in. The scope helps a lot, with the X-ray vision and all, I can see through my own hair!" Deidara bragged.

"Um... I guess that's kind of cool." Death fumbled.

"Anyway, onto question eight, from Iron. How do you respond to the rumors that you are a girl?" Death asked.

"For the last time... I'M NOT A GIRL, UN!" Deidara screamed.

"Really... I'm not convinced." Death pondered.

"Fine, un." Deidara sighed and stood up. "I'll show you." Just as Deidara was about to unzip his pants, Death finally spoke.

"No, no! You convinced me, you can sit down now." Death panicked.

"Hm." Deidara sat back down.

"Question nine. Why do you call Sasori your danna?"

"Because he continuously manages to beats me at black jack, poker, and arm wrestling , un." Deidara sighed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you got beat by a _puppet_ in _arm wrestling_?" Death chuckled under her breath.

"What's so funny, un?" Deidara cocked his head.

"Oh, nothing. I just thought puppets don't have, uh, _muscle_." Death brushed off. "Alright, last question. After this interview, you will finally get to see Sasori. What are the first words you'll say when you meet him?" Death asked.

"Um, something like... DANNA! LOOK WHO'S DEAD NOW, BLOODY PUPPET!" Deidara screamed his answer.

"Gah! That really hurt." Death winced as she rubbed her ear. "Alright, well that wraps up the second chapter of Akatsuki Interviews. Next we'll be interviewing Hidan (_un_censored). So stay tuned for some major swearing-stereo. In fact, bring some ear plugs if you have any!"

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**Death: We will always be willing to except any questions about the Akatsuki into our interviews, in progress or already published. **


	3. An Interview with Hidan

**Death: Sorry for the wait fans. Hope you like the third chapter. Note that this is uncensored, so please, if it opposes you then don't read. **

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"Hello, people of the living! Today we'll be interviewing Hidan. Ok, I'm really afraid to ask this, but do you have anything to say before we start the interview?" Death started.

"Why the fuck am I dead?!"

"Ah... That. You died from lack of nutrition (after about five years of not eating), so pay attention to the questions you have to answer." Death held up the white interview paper.

"Fuck!"

"Alright, question one. What are your hobbies?" Death asked. Hidan immediately went from hissy fit freak out, to happy Jashinist.

"Anything Jashin approved!"

"Jashin approved?" Death scratched her head.

"Jashinist practices." Hidan answered.

"Ah... You mean killing people." Death pointed.

"And torturing, and ripping out guts, and drinking blood, and ripping out guts, and eating people-"

"You already said _ripping out guts_." Death interrupted.

"I did? Fuck!" Hidan swore... Again.

"Alright question two. What are your favorite foods?" Death asked.

"Spare ribs... And other people's blood! Fuck yeah!" Hidan raised a fist to the air.

"Oh, me too." Death agreed. "Question three, from Vouvezsoir. What is your opinion on the Bible?" Death asked. Hidan raised one eyebrow and then stood up dramatically.

"Well... I think it's just a bunch of ~CENSORED FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS~ on a biscuit!" Hidan sat back down and crossed his arms.

"Wow, I hope Christ didn't hear that." Death winced. "You totally changed my opinion on biscuits too."

"Biscuits aren't Jashin approved." Hidan pointed with a finger.

"Then what are?"

"Spare ribs of course!" Hidan did a little Jashin cheer.

"Ok, I'll be sure to get some so you won't yell at me. Ok, question four. Deidara mentioned that you used hair conditioner. If so, how do you feel about him tattling like this? Also, what type of conditioner do you use?" Death asked.

"What the fuck?! Fuck that girly blonde bitch! Deidara-chan's gonna pay!" Hidan threatened.

"Deidara-_chan_?" Death chuckled.

"Yeah, she's a bitch right?" Hidan raised an eyebrow.

"He may look it, but trust me, he's definitely _not_ a girl." Death assured. Hidan wasn't convinced.

"How do you know that?"

"He proved it." Death shook as she had a flashback to the last interview.

"Whoa! That bitch has a dick?! Oh my Jashin!" Hidan exclaimed, and then doubled over in laughter. "What size was it? XXXS?" Hidan erupted into more fits of laughter.

"Ah, no! You think I would look?!" Death gaged. "Alright, answer the conditioner question, please." Death continued. He immediately stopped laughing, sat straight up, and took in a breath. Looking as if he was about to announce an important speech to the whole world (oh wait, he was!).

"I use Bloody Mess conditioner!" Hidan pulled out a blood splattered bottle with a silver background out of his robe. "For the new shine that smells like blood all day!" Hidan advertised with a thumbs up of approval. "I also use Hell's Oder shampoo." Hidan pulled out another large bottle with a fiery themed print on it. "It's like hell in your hair!" He looked like Might Gai with that eye blinding smile combined with the thumbs up in your face. It wasn't a pretty sight at all.

"Interesting... I guess." Death took the bottles that Hidan handed to her.

"Best of all, they're both Jashin approved!" Hidan gave another thumbs up.

"Very... Nice... Ehe." She cringed as she set the two bottles down on the table. "Goes to the highest bidder." She turned to the crowd. "Alright, question five, from Flare. Why do you call yourself a religious person when all you do is swear half the time? Which is contrary to the belief of being religious." Death questioned.

"What do you mean? Swearing is totally religious! How could it not be?!" Hidan argued.

"Oh, boy. I really don't want to argue with this, so let's just skip the next question." Death flipped the paper. "Question six, from Whirlwind. "All of the Akatsuki respect and follow Pein, their leader. So why don't you?"

"Tsk, have you seen that mother fucker? Who wants to follow a guy who has piercings everywhere, and I mean _everywhere_, around all day? He thinks he greater than Jashin even! No one can compare to_ Jashin's_ greatness. Not even you Jashin haters!" Hidan pointed to the screen.

"Um... Ok. Question seven. Why do you always swear all the time?"

"To make a point, duh."

"That was short. Alright, question eight. How did it feel to be buried deep under the earth with all your limbs detached?" Death asked.

"It was the worst fucking feeling! I couldn't make any fucking sacrifices! Fuck that ponytail bitch! I'm a get him in the afterlife." Hidan swore some more.

"Ooh... Shikamaru's gonna be in trouble..." Death cooed. "Alright, that was childish of me. Question nine, from Era. How does it feel to be partner to Kakazu?"

"I feel like a fucking victim to his outbursts. I hate it! He always has to come in late when I'm in a fucked up situation! It was partially because of _him_ that I got my head chopped off! And the other guy I guess... Sometimes we get along in battle, but the rest... No fucking way!"

"Alright, I think the last question here will have a lot of swearing as well." Death paused. "What is your opinion on all of the Akatsuki members?"

"Let's see..." Hidan held up his fingers. "Sasori's a wooden prick in the ass that goes on and on about eternal crap. Deidara is an idiot who blew himself up _for_ the wooden prick, and now that I know of, is a bitch that has a dick. Pein is an asshole who thinks he's better than Jashin. Konan would be ok if she weren't with that asshole all the time. Itachi is an emo freak who has a fucking heart shaped locket of his little brother, Sasuke, that he secretly carries around all day. Kisame is a fucking cannibal who likes to eat sushi all day. Tobi is a hyperactive, fucking lunatic and a betrayer. Zestu is also a cannibal, stalker, and plant weirdo who likes talks to himself. Lastly, Kakazu is the money whore, must I say anything more?"

"Nope, I think we got the message. Oh, look. Dark sent me another emergency question just now. Ok, other than your Jashin voodoo thing, what other attacks do you have?" Death asked.

"Oh, nothing really special. Just these dumb Water Style attacks. I was hopeless before my savior Jashin came along! Praise Jashin!

"Yeah, yeah. Praise Jashin." Death rolled her eyes. "Tsk, nobody ever praises me." She frowned. "Ok, that wraps up the third chapter of Akatsuki Interviews. Next we'll be interviewing Kakazu. Stick around people of the living!" Death finished.

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**Death: Hope you like it! I will be busy uploading more chapters of my other fanfic so please be patient. **


	4. An Interview with Kakuzu

**Death: So sorry for the long wait guys! Please forgive me! *whimpers* **

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"Hello again people of the living! Today we will be interviewing Kakuzu. Sorry it took so long folks, he just took so long to die." Death began.

"What? I wanted to die rich!" Kakuzu complained. Death rolled her yes.

"Anyway, Kakuzu. Would you like to say anything before we start the interview?" Death asked.

"Yes. How much will I get paid for this?" Kakuzu pulled out a wad of cash from his pocket and started filing through it.

"As much as you could possibly want." Death crooned. That seemed to get the bounty hunter's attention. He then looked at Death intently.

"You may proceed." He gestured.

"Alright, question one. What are your hobbies?" Death asked.

"I enjoy reading old or rare books."

"Why is that?"

"Well... Before I sell it for a high price, I like to look at the contents."

"Right... Question two. What are your favorite foods?"

"Liver,"

"Ooh! What kind of liver?" Death edged closer.

"Monkfish liver." Kakuzu answered.

"Oh... Anyway, question three, from JaggerMania. Are you a pimp?" Death knit her eyebrows as she turned to him.

"What?! What kind of question is that?!" Kakuzu objected.

"Just answer it." Death face-palmed.

"No! Definitely NO!"

"Ok, ok sheesh. Someone's cranky." Death paused. "Question four. Exactly how many partners did you kill before you got assigned to Hidan?" Death asked.

"Wait, you're Death, right?" Kakuzu paused.

"Yes," Death arched her eyebrows like that was obvious.

"Then shouldn't you already know who I killed?"

"You lose track after the gazillionth soul you've welcomed into the Underworld." Death sighed. "That, and I'm not a stalker!"

"Oh, in that case, I've killed..." Kakuzu counted his fingers over and over again. Death widened her eyes at how many times he went over ten. "About fifty members."

"Wow. No wonder the deaths were packing up around the Naruto world! Oh, why did you kill them anyway?" Death asked.

"They tried to steal my money." Kakuzu crossed his arms. Death raised an eyebrow, but didn't reply.

"Ok, question five, from Stone. Being the Akatsuki treasurer, what was the most amount of money the Akatsuki collected at the time?"

"Hmm... About a million something. Before Pein spent almost all of it on the Jinjuriki device." Kakuzu scoffed. "Then we all had to go bounty hunting."

"Hmm... So why were you only seen collecting bounties?" Death asked.

"Obviously because I'm the most responsible person in the Akatsuki." Kakuzu bragged. "The rest are unreliable thieves!"

"How so?" Death wasn't convinced.

"Well, for example." Kakuzu coughed. "Deidara mindlessly blows up anything in his path, including the poor money. Damn him! Sasori... Well, he doesn't really have anything to do with it, but he sometimes spills his poison all over it! No, wait he does. He uses it to polish all 299 of his puppets! And to buy the ingredients for his stupid poison. Then he has the nerve to spill it again! Itachi uses it to buy useless, unhealthy treats like Dango all day long. I'm surprised he's not even obese! That, and he keeps on buying picture frames for his little brother... Sasuke, I think his name is-"

"Aw... Itachi buys frames for his brother's pictures? That's sweet of him." Death cooed.

"Stop interrupting me!" Kakuzu shouted.

"Fine, fine. Go on," Death gestured.

"Anyway, Kisame just uses it to buy ingredients for sushi occasionally. Though, it's really good sushi, so not so bad on the budget. Hidan... Just uses it to polish his stupid scythe and to make blood cakes." Kakuzu looked over at Death.

"..."

"I told you to stop interrupting!"

"I didn't say anything!" Death claimed innocently.

"You are now!" He pointed.

"Ugh..."

"Anyway, Zetsu uses it to buy fertilizer for himself, and that's about it for him, I think. Oh, he likes to buy flowers and other plants to talk to sometimes. Pein used it to buy thousands of piercings all over his body, and I mean ALL parts of his body. Konan just likes lots of paper for herself, so she does the least damage to our budget. Paper's dirt cheap anyway. And Tobi, oh Tobi is the worst out of all of us! He buys just about everything in every single store we go to! And then throws them away eventually. Zetsu actually had to got a collar and leash for him every time we had group outings. Ugh..." Kakuzu sighed after that.

"I feel ya, buddy." Death patted him on the back. "Ok, question six, from Lunar. What would happen if you somehow got bankrupt?"

"Ha! That will never happen, because unlike all the stupidities around here, I keep all my money in my lovely suitcase that is with me all the time. I even named her!" Kakuzu brought out his large silver colored suitcase, and then displayed it all around the stage.

"Very nice. So what is the name of your lovely suitcase?" Death gestured with a hand.

"Everyone, meet Sparkles, my first suit case that I ever got! And she's in tip top condition too!" Kakuzu advertised. Death clapped.

"Your first suitcase, you said?" She asked.

"Oh, yes. I have several more to store all of my money, but I only carry either Sparkles or... Here let me show you my other suitcase." He then brought out another suitcase that looked almost exactly like Sparkles, but a little less sparkly.

"Everyone, this is I Don't Give a Dime!" Kakazu gestured to the suitcase. Death looked puzzled.

"Ok, I partially get the Sparkles, but... You know what, I'm not even gonna ask this! Moving on." Death brought out her sheet of note book paper again. "Question seven, from Gladius. How is Hidan as a partner?"

"Argh! Why does everything have to be about Hidan?! What happened to me!" Kakuzu whined.

"Boy, you sure are selfish." Death noted, then gestured for him to answer the question.

"It's like getting stuck with a stupid, knuckle-headed, immortal zit that won't come off no matter how hard you try to pop it." Kakuzu crossed his arms. "Next question."

"Ok, question eight, from Feather. Do you have pet names for all five of your hearts?" Death asked. Kakuzu's face lit up.

"Of course! This is Airy," He pointed to the light blue mask with a beak. "This is Fiery," He pointed to the red lipped mask. "This is Sparky," he pointed to the yellow mask. "And this is-"

"Let me guess, is it Earthy?" Death chuckled.

"No," Kakuzu shook his head. "It's Bob," He pointed to the dark blue one. Death looked as puzzled as ever, but didn't ask once again.

"Alright, question nine. Why are you the most unpopular in all of the Akatsuki?" Death asked.

"I should be asking you that!" He pointed a finger to the audience angrily.

"Alright, alright. We'll just skip that question. Can't have any violence in the Underworld." Death pointed out. "Last question. What are your thoughts on seeing Hidan again in Heaven?" Kakazu just blinked once and then went totally berserk.

"NOOOO!" He screamed as he started running wildly all over the stage, breaking everything in sight in the process.

"Ehe, well, that's it for Kakuzu people of the living. Join us next time for an interview on the one and only Itachi!" Death signed off.

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**Death: So, next is an interview with Itachi! So be sure to follow, favorite, and review! I know Itachi isn't a really 'funny' Akatsuki character, oh, but believe me, I will make him funny! ;) **


	5. An Interview with Itachi Uchiha

**Death: Hello fans! For first timers read ahead! This is the revised version. Forgot to enter a special question from Obitolover11. But, I have now put it in! Sorry, about that! Oh, well. Read ahead! **

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"Hello again, faithful viewers. Today we'll be interviewing Itachi Uchiha." Death announced. "Itachi, would you like to say anything before we start the interview?"

"Sasuke..." Itachi just sat staring down at a picture of his younger brother clutched in his hand, whimpering his eyes out.

"Um... Alright then, moving on to the first question. What are your hobbies?" Death asked.

"Sasuke... Why..." He mumbled. Death was a little agitated by the weasel's ties to the picture.

"Just answer the damn questions before you drown yourself in tears!" Death yelled. Itachi looked up for a moment.

"I used to like looking out for my little brother, but now I'm dead!" Itachi moaned and drowned himself in a pool of black tears (probably from the Amaterasu).

"Didn't you mean you liked visiting famous dessert shops?" Death knit her eyebrows while reading a random fact sheet about him. "Ugh, this is hopeless. Question two, what are your favorite foods?"

"Rice balls. Just like Sasuke..." Itachi whimpered.

"Damn, you really are hopeless!" Death stated with spite. All of the sudden Itachi jolted his head up from his seat, wiped the black stained tears from his face, and chucked the (soaking wet) picture of Sasuke across the stage. Wincing slightly as it shattered against the floor.

"There, next question." Death blinked at his abrupt action, then fumbled with the slip of paper.

"Uh, question three. Kakashi stated that your eyes must be severely damaged by the Mangekyo Sharingan. Is this true?" Death asked.

"Yes. I can't see very well." Itachi agreed. Death wasn't convinced.

"Really?" She then dug into a random portal from nowhere and pulled out a pair of real life, yellowing teeth (probably belonging to an unlucky old lady). Death then held the rotting pair of dentures up in his face, while nearly throwing up in the process. Itachi didn't seem to react to the terrible sight that was now held only inches away from his face (maybe he is blind after all). "Alright, just what exactly am I holding up?" Itachi squinted his eyes to get a detailed look.

"Uh... Uh... Are those marshmallows?" Itachi guessed. Death glanced at her hand just to make sure.

"Itachi... These are some old lady's _teeth_. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU SAY THAT THEY LOOK LIKE MARSHMALLOWS?!" Death screamed.

"O-Oh, they are?" Itachi then immediately leaned back against his seat. "I knew it smelled a little funny."

"Yeah, they do!" Death then chucked the teeth out to the cringing audience and wiped the luke warm drool off her hand with a napkin. Making faces at it with every swipe. "Gross!" Once she was done, she resumed quizzing Itachi. "Pretending that didn't just happen earlier, onto question four, from Reality. If you can barely even see, how do you manage to move around from place to place or dodge attacks without constantly running into various objects?"

"I _do_ run into various objects. That's why I wear contacts... But they're a little funny." Itachi stated. Then he pried his eyelids wide open and lightly dipped one of his fingers in.

"Oh, that's got to be one of the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!" Death squirmed in her seat. "Put it back, put it back! I don't want to even look at it!" She pleaded while averting her eyes. Itachi snickered and returned to a normal position in the seat.

"Phew! Oh, can I ask you what type of objects you run into?"

"Uh, a lot of trees, plants, Zetsu, and walls, lots and lots of walls." Itachi answered.

"Sounds like you need a seeing-eye dog." Death suggested.

"I used to have many, then Pein said it was hurting the budget too much."

"Really? How many?" Death asked intrigued.

"Well, Fluffy ran into Zetsu one day while he was starving, and I remember smelling barbecue in the air that same day I lost her. Scruffy, lets just say was victim to one of Sasori's attempt to make animal puppets. Duffy ate a large piece of Deidara's clay while he was practicing, and uh, blew up. Kakuzu got a hold of poor Puffy who auctioned him off to a brand of dog meat. Then, my last dog Huffy I found bloodily torn apart with organs splattered everywhere in Hidan's room." Itachi sighed.

"Wow... Those were a lot of dogs. Anyway, onto question five, from Time. If you could go back in time to see Sasuke for five minutes, what would you say to him?"

"Sasuke... I would tell him... That he needs to fix his haircut." Itachi mumbled.

"He needs to fix... His haircut?" Death twitch an eyebrow.

"It looks weird, don't you think?" Itachi glanced at Death. She just blinked. "What?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just surprised that you wouldn't tell him to lay off on the revenge thing."

"Why? I kinda like it. Him chasing after me, even if it is just for the sake of killing me, I can't help but feel so loved." Itachi hugged himself.

"Hm. I would kind of find it a little annoying, but that's just me. Anyway, question six. Why of all the summoning animal to use do you choose crows?" Death asked. "Oh, let me guess. It's because they're my messengers (or because they seem dark), right?"

"No, actually I keep them because they're all warm and fuzzy against me. I never have to worry about getting cold." Itachi informed. Death blinked again.

"You know, you're really unpredictable sometimes." Itachi just nodded in agreement.

"Question seven, from Cry. Why do you find pleasure in poking your brother in the forehead?"

"Because, I never liked _hugging_ him. His hair was all too spiky for that." Itachi pointed out.

"Hm. Alright, question eight. What is your opinion on all of the Akatsuki? Starting with Sasori." Death helped along.

"Pinocchio." Itachi crossed his arms. Death saw how this was going and proceed with the rest of the names of the members.

"Deidara."

"Suicide bomber."

"Hidan."

"Religious freak."

"Kakazu."

"Money whore."

"Kisame."

"Sushi. Very big sushi..." Itachi drooled a little.

"Um... Konan."

"Paper babysitter."

"Pein."

"Stereotypical evil mastermind that thinks he's God."

"Tobi."

"Psycho. Need I say more?"

"Nope. I got it. Zetsu?"

"Cannibal plant man."

"Alright then. Question nine. How is Kisame as a partner?" Death asked.

"It's like being next to a whole three trays of walking sushi and not being able to eat it. It's unbelievably tempting." Itachi stated as he started to drooled again.

"Alright, I'll take your word for it. Last question, from Farewell. Would you like to watch over Sasuke from here?"

"Yes, with all my heart... And Death, I have a favor to ask." Itachi stared at Death. She was taken aback.

"Uh, um. Sure." Death hesitated.

"Tell Sasuke that he needs to cut that thing off his head... Please." Itachi said. Death blinked.

"Uh, I'll tell him... But I don't think he would listen to me." Death paused. "Alright, that concludes another Akatsuki Interview-" All of the sudden, a zombie (the stage directer) walked up and tapped Death on the shoulder. She turned around.

"Yes?" Death blinked at the interruption. The zombie stuck out a rotting hand with a slip of paper (with a little blood on it). "Oh, a last minute entry question. Alright." Death unfolded the slip of paper and read. "From Obitolover11. Do you sleep with a Sasuke plushie?" Death blinked at the question.

"...These people are officially stalking me..." Itachi groaned.

"Uh... I guess that's a yes." Death cringed. "Well, join us next time for an interview on Kisame Hoshigaki to find out if he really is a walking sushi plate. Until next time, people of the living." Death signed off.

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**Death: Hope you all liked that one! Sorry, I'm being really slow aren't I? :P**


	6. An Interview with Kisame Hoshigaki

"Hello, people of the living. Sorry for the long wait, folks. Took a while for this guy to die." Death began with a point to the guest. "Kisame, do you have anything to say before we start the interview?"

"Uh... Nope." He replied while hugging his sword Samehada. Lovingly stroking the sharkskin to it's full content. Death knit her eyebrows.

"Alright, moving on. What are your favorite hobbies?"

"Taking care for this little girl right here," Kisame snuggled up to Samehada. Death compared their size ratio and found that she had no clue what he was saying by _little_. Come on, that thing was a 7 foot tall sword, and he called it _little_?

"Huh. Alright, what's your favorite food?" Death didn't know what to expect from his answer to the question.

"Oh, that's easy. Shrimp and crab." Kisame answered. Death nodded.

"Question three, from Everyone In The Universe. Why do you look like a shark?" Death knit her eyebrows at the author of the question. "Hm. Strange name,"

"Well, you see, my dad became very interested in sharks for some reason and was a Marine Scientist," Kisame paused.

"Go on..." Death gestured.

"Then one day when he was out fishing, he caught a shark that just had to be female and-"

"Stop! Ok, I think I get where the story goes. I'm sorry I asked." Death flipped the notebook furiously to the next page. "Ok, question four, from Claudia. Do you support shark's fin soup?"

"NO! You people actually eat sharks?! How could you?!" Kisame then broke into tears and crashed to the floor while balling in his hands.

"Wow, that hurt you more than I thought," Death noted as she stared at the poor human-shark-thingy crying all over the floor, and soaking the stage wet with fishy tears. "Um... Alright moving onto Question five," Death flipped the page. "What is your relationship with your partner, Itachi?" Kisame then slowly crawled up onto the chair and blew his nose into a tissue to stop the sobbing.

"We're not that close either way. The only time we ever see each other is when we're out on missions,"

"Wait, don't the Akatsuki have assigned rooms with partners?"

"Oh, well yes. We do have assigned parter rooms, but Pein made a special exception seeing that Itachi's room was all knee-high crammed with pictures of his little brother, Sasuke, I think his name was,"

"Yeah, that's his name. How did you know that?" Death knit her eyebrows.

"Itachi keeps on moaning that in a corner of his room every single night. I think he cries too." Kisame whispered to Death. She cracked up a little.

"Ok, onto question six, from Gabrielle. Can you breath underwater?" Death asked.

"Of course!" Kisame shouted his answer.

"But, aren't those lines on your cheek, makeup?" Death puzzled.

"Huh? Oh no, those are birthmarks." He explained.

"They don't look like-"

"Yep they are!" Kisame panicked. Death narrowed her eyes for a moment and then rolled them as she dismissed the thought.

"Then if you can breath underwater, then why don't you have gills?"

"Oh, they're actually near my ribcage on my chest. Wanna see?" Kisame was just about to fling his entire cloak off when Death stopped.

"Nope! That... Won't be necessary." Death exclaimed as she averted her eyes. She calmed down after Kisame assumed his regular position on the chair again. "Alright, now onto question seven, by Totally Un-Called For. Do you realize that you and Itachi could have been doujin partners if you didn't look so ugly?" Death arched her eyebrows at the question. "Well, that was very rude of her." She scoffed.

"W-What is _doujin_?" Kisame questioned. Death coughed and looked at him with all seriousness, like she was interrogating him for a high ransom.

"You really wanna know?" Kisame nodded. "Really?" She asked again, to another final nod to Kisame. Death then sighed. She gave up on trying to protect his innocent little mind from dirty _things,_ (however small or big it was) and went for_ total annihilation_. "Alright. Can I get a volunteer from the audience please?" Death called to the crowd. Immediately, pale hands began flinging books and various sheets of paper wildly at the stage in a 12 by 5 inch confetti throw-off spree. One stapled sheet was lucky enough to land square on Death's face. The graphic _thingy_ was now literally, 'staring death in the face'.

Death elegantly plucked the booklet of stapled papers off her face and took a single glance at it. She grimaced at the sight she saw engraved into the white sheet of paper (it was a definite yoai)

"Here, you wanted to look." Death edged the paper closer to him, barley holding it aloft in the air by just two fingers. She averted her eyes while at it too. Kisame gingerly took the packet and turned the cover of the page. It all happened in a flash (a rookies' reaction to new _graphic novels_). He dropped the paper to the ground while emitting a girlish squeal, leaped up on his two feet and off the chair, grasped Samehada in his hands, and then started pounding the paper packet with it like a club-sized beating stick.

"Whoa! Stop, Kisame! You're gonna break the whole entire stage floor!" Death hollered as she leaped out of the way of his sword. Unluckily, her message was to be heard by deaf ears as the whole stage floor began to crack underneath all the clubbing, batting and pounding that it took. The whole crowd now started to panic. Screams and shouts emitted from the seats as they all stormed to the Emergency Exits. "Ah, no." Death exhaled and turned towards the camera screen. "Sorry, people of the living. Interview cut short because of... Well... That." Death pointed from behind her. "Stick around for when I buy a new studio to host this show, we'll be interviewing Konan, aka, the only female member of the Akatsuki. See how she likes hanging out with a bunch of guys all day. Until next time, people of the living!" Death signed off.


	7. An Interview with Konan

**Death: Hey, guys! Chapter published!** **:D **

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"Hello people of the living! Today we are joined by Konan of the Ame Orphans." Death began. "Konan, is there anything you'd like to say before the interview?" Death then noticed Konan wandering around aimlessly on the stage floor. "Uh, Konan?"

"Yahiko! Nagato! Are you there? Has anyone seen those two? Answer me!" Konan yelled across the audience with her hands cupped around her mouth.

"Don't worry Konan. I promise you'll see them after the interview. Now if you will please sit down before you cause any of our audiences' displeasure." Death gestured to the black interview couch parallel to her. Konan turned to her.

"Really? They're ok?" She asked anxiously. Death nodded. "Oh, ok. I suppose I can sit then." Konan softened a bit and sat down coyly on the couch.

"Alright, first question. What are your hobbies?" Death asked.

"Oh, that would origami, obviously, but I also like flower pressing too." Konan answered, seemingly pleased to be asked a personal question in such a long while.

"Interesting. Have any of the other Akatsuki found out about you hobby?"

"Oh, no way! I keep it a secret. Only Nagato and Yahiko really know about that." She fanned her wrist. "Well, now that I think of it, Itachi did witness me collecting flowers and leaves on my way back from a little errand."

"Really? What did he do."

"Nothing, he just said he'd keep it a secret if I made him a flower pressing of his little brother for him. So, I did." She giggled a little. Death found it undoubtedly strange that the war raged orphan could so openly laugh like this, but she too went along with a light chuckle. "It's really sweet to see him passionate about someone he cares for." Konan added.

"Hmm... Alright question two. How about your favorite food?"

"Oh, flame-broiled fish."

"Cool. What is you favorite flower? From Angels of Crawling." Death smiled at the username given.

"Haha! Paper ones of corse! You never need to water then, they never stink up the room, and best of all, they last forever! It's the perfect gift." Konan advertised.

"I couldn't agree more." Death nodded "Question three. Do you have a relationship with Pein? From Midnight Aravell." Konan blushed.

"Well, no. Not publicly anyway. Uh... next question please." Death raised an eyebrow but didn't push her. After all, she didn't want killer confetti attacking the guests.

"Question four. Does your name really mean God's Angel? From, Everglade."

"Well... No. Although I would like it to be. It actually means Little South." Konan explained.

"That's interesting too,"

"Oh, thanks!" Konan chided. "I never thought Death would be so nice."

"People like to make unfair assumptions of me." Death eyed the screen. "Anyway, onto question five. What is it like to be the only female member of the Akatsuki?"

"Ugh, it's like a full time babysitting job." Konan began. "One moment Sasori and Deidara are calmly having a polite dinner table discussion, and the next, they're in an all our brawl, tossing exploding food and poisonous kitchen utensils everywhere shouting at the top of their lungs about their stinking opinions of art. Hidan and Kakazu aren't any better either. Hidan would bicker and swear non stop right in Kakazu's face and if that doesn't work, he crosses the line by ripping a one dollar bill smack in his face. Which of course, leads to Hidan's head being temporarily dethroned from his body. Kisame and Itachi... Well, they don't do much except the fact that Kisame started crying every time Itachi rejects his sushi. Zetsu sometimes gets into arguments with himself and then starts threatening various parts of his body with weed-clippers aimed at the vitals. Tobi is completely insane! He surprisingly has the nerve and audacity to jump around and sing Good-Boy in the midst of all this chaos. While Pein and I have to maintain order by spraying Tobi with a water-gun (used on dogs), lock Hidan's head in a closet, give Kakazu another dollar bill, Give some tissues to Kisame, force Itachi to eat the sushi (although most of the times it doesn't really work), and then use a tranquilizer and Deidara."

"What about the other two?" Death raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, Sasori and Zetsu? Eh, Sasori's pretty calm once Deidara's tranquilized. He usually just walks off or helps us clean up after that (his puppets are a real help). And Zetsu... We just leave alone for him to sort things out by himself."

"I see. Question six, Have you and Pein ever gone on a date?"

"You guys and these questions," Konan glanced at the screen. "Yes, we have a few times before we started the Akatsuki Organization."

"Why'd you guys stop?" Death questioned.

"Oh, we couldn't have the rest of the organization think they were being lead by a sorry, hopeless couple. But, we are partners, so we basically spend as much time together as any devoted boyfriend and girlfriend." Konan explained.

"Hm, not bad. Alright, question seven, from Entity. How do you feel about world peace?" Death asked. Konan sighed in disappointment and rest her chin on her palm.

"It used to be possible with us around, but sadly we're dead. So, I don't believe in it anymore." Konan admitted.

"Oh, you poor soul." Death patted her on the back with half-sympathetic expression then continued the interview with the sheet of paper. "Onto a more lighter subject, Question eight... Why do you like paper? From, White Polka." Konan jolted upright in her seat like she was just shot with an invisible bullet from the back.

"Who doesn't like paper?! I mean, you draw on it, write on it, and use it for origami!" Konan exclaimed. "It should be one of the four elements!" Death examined her wild eyes of advocacy and decided not to argue with her.

"Umm... Alright, question nine. Besides Pein, who do you hang out with in the organization? From Embassy."

"Hmm... Gee, that's a hard one. I usually l always hang out with Pein... Hmm..." Konan consulted herself for a moment. "Well, Sasori and I have some conversations sometimes. Deidara ok when he's calm, but he always wants to blow up my creations. Kakazu forces me to pay him whenever our talks go over the limit of five minutes. Zetsu, well, I don't really talk to him. Itachi and I don't really talk, rather we just sit together quietly and do our own thing. The rest... Well, I can't stand Hidan, Tobi drives me crazy, and Kisame is a little too sensitive for my taste. So, I guess the answer would be mostly Sasori and some Itachi.

"Oh, ok. Last question. What will you do when you see Pein in the Afterlife?"

"Hmm... Oh, I know! We could try out some things that all the lovely couples do and all the other things that we couldn't do in Life." Konan said. Death nodded.

"Alight, that wraps up this interview. Join us next time for an interview with Pein, the leader of this whole organization. See ya later people of the living." Death signed off.

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**Death: As I said in the interview, Stick around! **


	8. An Interview with Pein (Nagato)

**Death: Hello! Soooooooo sorry for the delay on this one. Dark and I were really busy working on a personal friend's commission story called Rise of The Hello Kitty Army so much that we forgot about our number one story! :O Here it is!**

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"Hello people of the living! Today we are here to interview Pein, the leader of the infamous Akatsuki." Death began. "Pein, do you have anything to say before we start the interview?"

"Konan!" Pein shouted at a certain somebody standing in the audience.

"Nagato!" Konan squealed with glee. They frolicked to each other like they were surrounded by a meadow of flowers in a romantic doushinji. Both of them skipping with joy.

"What the?" Death awed and noticed the entrance to the auditorium was wide open. It was the gate to Heaven. Death face-palmed. "Ugh, who the hell opened the door and let her in?!" She demanded. Her eyes locked on to a suspicious looking zombie holding a pair of golden keys to the side of the door. "Ugh..." She groaned. "Can't the master of all things sane get a good break around here?"

After playful greetings were exchanged through Pein and Konan (and not to mention a lot of autograph signing and fan service) she was finally ordered back inside the golden gates. Pein walked over to the seats and sat down across from Death.

"Alright, with that out of the way, let's continue with the first question." She brought out a notebook from her pocket and scrolled through it, her finger later landing on one section of the yellow sheet. "Pein, what are your favorite hobbies?" Death asked.

"That would be practicing my ninjustu." Pein answered with his arms crossed. Well... he was keeping conservative.

"Favorite foods?"

"Grilled fish and stew." He glanced at the walls warily back and forth.

"Alright," Death turned the page. "Question three, from BeautifulDesertFoxglove. Do you think of the other Akatsuki as your family or only as your underlings?"

"Haha! THEY'RE ALL NOTHING BUT MY UNDERLINGS! BUAHAHHAA!" Pein screamed so loud that all the audience could here was a loud crack of thunder. Death backed up in her seat and rubbed her ear.

"I think you kinda broke the mic, Pein." Death looked over at the poor thing's wires which were in a horrible entanglement of choking cords thanks to the screeching cacophony that Pein had just projected out to the whole auditorium. Even the zombies were going crazy, and some of them didn't even have ears to begin with. "And not to mention everybody's ears too."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Pein tapped her shoulder and leaned in closer to her ear. Death nodded for him to proceed. "We're kind of a family actually." He whispered. "Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Oh, sure. I _promise_ I will _not_ share this and publish this on for the world to see." Death winked at your screen. Pein looked suspicious but sat down anyway to receive the next question.

"Question four, from Lavendor Queen. If you could do one more thing in the world of the living, what would it be and why?" Death read of the paper. Pein tapped at his chin.

"Hmm... Oh, that's easy! I would wait for all the crazies to die, you know, like Naruto, Obito, and basically the whole Leaf Village and then take over the world once more without any interference! Buahaha!" Pein announced. "Only then will there be peace." Even though his volume did go down, it was still unbelievably loud. Death just decided to deal with it.

"Even if Konan were still dead?" Death questioned. Pein's expression changed drastically from happy super-villain to very sad boyfriend. His lips were even quivering.

"I'll take Konan with me then." He assured. Death smirked.

"You can't do that,"

"W-Why not?" Pein, surprisingly, pouted at her.

"Only I have the key and only I can wield this particular one." She then took out a large iron key from her pocket and dangled it in front of his face. Torment, a classic way to get an evil mastermind to his knees.

"PLEASE! I CAN'T GO BACK WITHOUT HER! I BEG OF YOU!" Pein groveled on his hands and knees at her feet. Death sweat dropped. Ok, this was getting a bit out of hand. She panicked as he started to crawl towards her feet like a hungry badger.

"Ok, Ok. Fine. If, for what ever reason that I am ordered to resurrect you, I'll also bring back Konan. You know this is just an interview right? You're really not going back." Death reminded him. Pein blinked and then was finally aware of what kind of position he was in. He then jolted straight up from the ground, brushed himself off, and sat back in his interview chair.

"Alright, onto question five, from MissAngel'sNote. What do you think about paper and flowers?"

"Girls should always wear paper flowers on their heads." Pein dictated as he crossed his arms.

"Why is that?" Death knit her eyebrows.

"Because they are beautiful." He added.

"Alright, we'll just go with that answer then." She whispered under her breath. "However strange it might be..." She then flipped the page of the notebook. "Question six, also from MissAngel'sNote. What was the thing you've always wanted to do, but didn't because of the Akatsuki?" Death asked.

"Lots of thing actually," Pein admitted. "Like... Play around with ball, going on a date perhaps, and of course, dumping ice cream on an old man's bald head just for fun!"

"Wow. That must be nice... I guess." Death cringed. So this is where the complaints came of elderly dead having a grudge on children. She remembered something of bald heads and vanilla ice cream.

"It would have been nice, but oh well. I'm too busy with world domination to even give a damn, so it doesn't matter." He shrugged.

"That's a nice reason. Question seven, from Midnight Aravell. What is it like having your soul walk around in your best friends body?"

"It's a good way to keep him with me at all times." Pein answered and strangely gave his arm a friendly pet. The arm then pet him on the head, looking like it had a life of its own.

"And... This interview just got _a lot_ more creepy." Death sighed. "Ok, question eight, from Midnight Aravell. Are you and Konan going out? If no, WHY NOT?!" Death looked at how many explanation marks there were on the original paper and winced at how loud that would be (they took up three full pages).

"Because even if I think about it this always happens," Pein's hand then slapped his face three times while his other hands pulled on his piercings. "Ow! Hey! That's not a fucking toy!" He protested. Death watched the pathetic showdown of Pein vs his own hands from the seat.

"Alright, moving on. Question nine, from Last Breath. What did you feel when you got your ass thoroughly kicked by a guy who's hobbies are to eat ramen 24/7?" Death asked.

"Who?" Pein raised an eyebrow.

"Naruto Usumaki." She added.

"Never heard of him,"

"Ugh... The Kyuubi kid." Death sighed.

"Oh... That guy... He eats ramen _all _day?" Pein questioned. Death nodded. "And suddenly, I regret dying." He face-palmed.

"You're not going back. Don't even think about it." Death warned.

"Please, why would I? Life sucks." Pein said. Death suddenly leaped out of her seat and pointed her finger straight up into the air.

"Ha! How'd you like that Life?! You suck! Hahaha!" She boasted. She then pulled out a huge board from the Abyss Of Blackness. It was a tally chart. "Let see... That makes one in... five hundred. Hm... I need more fans." She dictated as she flung the board behind her back with little regard of the fact that it landed on a poor old zombie's head.

"Ok, last question. What is your opinion on all of the the members in the Akatsuki and who is your favorite?"

"They're all blundering idiots except for Konan. Sasori comes close, but he's useless when it comes to real brute strength and taking down colossal walls. Deidara comes along as too relaxed and passive for his own good, and the only time he gets really stirred up is when Sasori's around. Then... It's bombs exploding and chips wood flying all the way. Hidan is a pain in the ass so much that I have to personally have to chop his head off and dip it in some vinegar,"

"Vinegar?" Death chuckled.

"Oh yeah. It's rotten, its acidic, and it is the only thing that will ever come close to being his girlfriend." Pein added. Death laughed. "Anyway, Kakazu's greedy and hoards all the money that I_ thought_ we had. Itachi's not bad... But I wish we could have some decent conversations once in a while without him staring into a picture of Sasuke when I'm talking to him. Kisame cries and gets emotional over the littlest things, like how we had to go fishing while camping. He claimed he could hear the 'cries of the poor little things' while we were eating them. Unbelievable." Pein rolled his eyes. "Tobi's a complete nut-job with his stupid psychotic personality, and not to mention his obsession with candy, which cost us a whole village to destroy-"

"Wait," Death interrupted. "You _destroyed_ a whole village just because of candy?"

"What else could any evil mastermind do? Besides, I liked the candy shops and Itachi was so set on the idea of seizing an entire dango shop all to himself." Pein explained. "Anyway... Zetsu's ok... That is, when he's not talking constantly to himself sometimes."

"Hm. Alright, well I guess that wr-" Right when Death was just about to finish, a young zombie trudged up the stage steps and handed her a bloodstained note paper. Death took it. "Ah, another late question. Alright," Death then began to read the paper. "Nearly all of the Akatsuki seem to repot tha you have piercing everywhere on your body. Is that true? I thought some places weren't meant to be pierced. Sincerely, Adrina."

"Yes, I do have piercing all over my body, thank you very much." Pein boasted. "Everything and anything is pierce-able." He stated. Death wasn't convinced.

"You mean that?" Pein nodded. "That?" He nodded once again. "Even... _That?_" With one last nod (and not to mention with a bit of a smirk), Death was rendered speechless. "Ok... Well then folks, that concludes our interview with Pein over here, aka, the great leader of the infamous Akatsuki. Next time we'll be interviewing Tobi, aka crazy, psycho, pumpkin-headed, moron. Stick around people of the living!" Death signed off.

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**Death: Feel free to tell me if there are any spelling or grammar errors in here. We were kinda rushing on this one. :P Stick around for Tobi, and after that, Zetsu!:D**


	9. An Interview with Tobi

**Death: OMG! I was really late this time wasn't I? SOOOOO SORRY! Me and my friends were preparing for an Anime Convention and I was so busy with all teh costumes! D: Sorry chu guys!**

* * *

"Greetings people of the living!" Death greeted. "Today, we are joined by Tobi, a very... Unique member of the Akatsuki. Er, is there anything you'd like to say before we start the interview, Tobi?" After a lengthly pause from the shinobi, Death glanced over. The pumpkin head was seated on the interview chair contently as he sniffed a bouquet of flowers he received from one of the fan-girls. Although, his sniff almost seemed like the breath someone would inhale after being suffocated for a long forty seconds.

"Hehe, Tobi like flowers! Tobi likes them very much!" He chided while stuffing the flowers in his face and taking a long sniff. Death sweat-dropped.

"Alright then, question one. What are your favorite hobbies?" Death asked.

"Oh, Tobi really enjoys following Deidara senpai! Tobi would follow senpai anywhere!"

"Uh... That's uh, great. Anyway, question two. What are your favorite foods?"

"Dango! Tobi really like dango!" The jumpy Akatsuki leaped into the air, showering the stage area with the flower petals that were thrown gregariously due to his joy. Death snorted as on landed on a strand of her black hair and blew it off one dusty puff of breath, mildly annoyed.

"Anyway, moving on to the third question, from YourSecretStalker. What was the funniest prank you've puled on the Akatsuki while in Tobi-Mode?" Death read off the note paper. Tobi sat back down, the red clouds on his robe looked like they'd just received a spa treatment at a paradise resort.

"Oh, Tobi has pulled a lot of pranks! None of which friends were really happy about... But one where they got _really_ mad at Tobi was when Tobi booby-trapped the entire hideout! Haha! It was really funny for Tobi to see pie get throw splat in leader's face and see senpai's hair get stuck in super glue! Oh, and to watch Kakazu's money get constantly blown away by the fan and Hidan get run over by my barrel trap. Although... He didn't make very happy sounds..." Tobi chuckled.

"How about Konan, Itachi, and Kisame?" She questioned.

"Oh, those three. Konan scolded Tobi when she found leader-sama's face caked in pie and Itachi didn't show up that day... Hm, Tobi wondered why. Kisame screamed like a girl when he saw all the dead fish and sharks Tobi hung from ceiling. Haha! Tobi thought it was funny!"

"Wow, alrighty then. Onto question four, from... Uh..." Death squinted at the name of the asker mysteriously crossed out. "Ok, then. Did you ever have a crush on Deidara, Tobi?"

"Ooh! Tobi love Deidara-senpai very much, but not like that. Tobi sorry." He pouted.

"Alright then. Question five, from Angel'sLoveAnime. Did you choose your mask just because it looks like a lollypop?" Death asked.

"Well, Tobi's mask sure looks tasty, but Tobi didn't pick masky because of that." He explained.

"Then, why did you choose that mask?"

"Oh..." Tobi leaned in closer until his words became a barely-audible whisper. "That's a secret." He chuckled lightly. Death knit her eyebrows, but didn't prod any further.

"Question six, also from Angel'sLoveAnime. What is your favorite type of candy?"

"Hmm... LOLLIPOPS!" He exclaimed as he sprang out of his interview seat once again. Death pulled out a slip of notebook paper and began scribbling. _Note to Heaven: Do not feed lollipops. _She then pasted the little sticky note to the front of his mask, much to Tobi's disillusion. The sticky then dissolved as it cremated through the odd shinobi's mask and embedded itself deep within his skin. Although, he wasn't in much pain, just pure appall.

"Anyway, onto question seven, from Infection. Aren't you really Obito Uchiha?" Death asked.

"Tobi sorry. Tobi doesn't know what Infection is talking about," he cocked his head to the right in questioning.

"Are you sure?" Death wasn't convinced.

"Tobi sure!" He bobbed his head. She was still in a contrary mood about his true identity, but it wasn't her job to pry (leave that up to Heaven), so she brushed it off.

"Alright... Fine then. Question eight, from Questionable," Death narrowed her eyes on the write asker and later rolled them. _Tsk, some punks trying to get on my nerves again? Gosh do they even know that I could bring them straight down here? _She thought to herself. Then, she continued. "What is it like to hang out with Deidara-senpai?"

"Ooh! Senpai?!" He perked. "Well, I think senpai really like Tobi on the inside even though he constantly abandons Tobi on important missions and leaves him lost in the lonely, dark, woods..." Death caught the slight whiff of a frown on the air. She pat him on the back to show a little sympathy.

"There, there." She reassured. Tobi sniffed. "Oh, look a happy question!" She nudged him and she read off the note paper. "Question nine, from Blossom. Tobi, what was the most fun you've had when with the Akatsuki?"

"Ooh!" Tobi popped his head up. "Tobi remembered the time when he and his friends went to the beach! Tobi thought it was the funnest time ever! Tobi played and built sand castles when senpai watched Tobi, although... Senpai was looking at the sky the whole time. Hidan kept the fun going by volunteering his head to play a ball game! Well... Not exactly cooperatively that is." Tobi snickered. "Konan and Pein looked like they were having a lot of fun in the water together! Zetsu... didn't like the sand," he frowned. "Kisame, Tobi heard, was completely submerged in the water the whole time, according to Itachi who spent his time collecting seashells and cleaning out the whole dango stand. Kakazu... Just counted his money in the shade."

"Hm, sounds like an interesting vacation." Death commented. Tobi nodded. "Alright, last question, from Celestial Mire. What is your opinion on all of the Akatsuki?"

"THEY ARE ALL TOBI'S BEST FRIENDS!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, making the lights flicker and the whole audience to curl into a ball, each plugging their fingers deep into their ears. Death tapped the microphone, which was now broken due to his insanely loud vocal cords murdering the poor thing.

"Alright, that'll be it for now people of the living. Join us next time for an interview with Zetsu. Life's letting me borrow him just for you guys so stick around!" Death signed off.

"BEST FRIENDS!"

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**Death: Even if you don't like Zetsu, stick around for the chapter after that, where we interview all of the Akatsuki!**


	10. An Interview with Zetsu

**Death: Hello guys! Sorry that I'm like a week overdue. Busy with truckloads of english assignments. :P THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. Those who care to stick around for one more month will be rewarded with an exclusive bonus chapter where we interview all of the Akatsuki together. :D**

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"Hello people of the living. I had a little chat with Life up there yesterday and he allowed this special guest to be lucky enough to join us for today. We'll be interviewing Zetsu, the Akatsuki's most trusted spy." Death began. "Zetsu, do you have anything to say before we start?"

"**Yeah, don't get me mixed up with _this_ idiot.** Hey! That hurts! **What do you mean? I didn't even touch you.** My feeling are hurting that's what." White Zetsu pouted while Black Zetsu just scowled at his other half.

"Fair enough." Death nodded. "Question one. What are your hobbies?" Death asked.

"**Why, observing unique human specimens of course!** They taste the best!" He chided.

"I'm sure they do." Death smirked. "Question two. What are your favorite foods?"

"**Humans!** People!" They cheered. Death smiled.

"Alright, Question three. From Midnight Aravell. Can you talk to plants? If you can, what kind of evil things are they thinking to rule the world?" Death asked aloud as she read off the paper.

"Yes, yes we can! **They particularly don't like it when you play recklessly around the park and not know what you step on. Please raise awareness, otherwise we will begin translating everything that reaches our ears. Our cousins aren't exactly the polite, quiet confession that you pluck out of the ground to offer your human spouse.** Yeah, they're plotting your imminent death as we speak! **But, we won't rat out a friend.** After all, the human race is sure to all come to an end some day right?" Zetsu concluded.

"Yes, actually. The countdown has just begun." Death glanced at the watch coiled around her wrist. "Anyway, moving on to question four, from Storyteller. Hey, have you ever heard of the classic childhood story called the 'Birds and the Bees'?"

All of the sudden, Zetsu shot up from his chair looking like he just got his ass snipped by a weed-whacker.

"**It is an abomination to all plant kind!** Yeah! Leave us out of your gross human sexual reproduction!" Zetsu protested.

"Yo, don't say that to us. We're all already dead here." Death stated. Zetsu, then turned and directed the lecture towards your screen with a thorny, pointed finger. "Anywho, please take a seat so we can continue." She gestured.

"**Oh,** OK." Zetsu sat back down.

"Question five, from ARandomKidInTheFourthGrade. Hey Zetsu, how does pollination work?" Death knit her eyebrows at the asker's name, then proceed to roll her eyes in a, _whatever kid_, kind of manner.

"**A-Ah... Well... Uh... I'm out of this.** You see, when male plant is ready, he releases a certain, uh, potion into the air where good old wind, water, or insects will carry it over to the waiting female who eagerly receives the potion. She delicately applies it to her own mix of the potion and bottle and places the genetic material into seeds that she gracefully scatters about on the dirt floor for them to grow in adult plants. Mommy plants have many ways of doing this, but I won't go into detail. Besides, it's quite rude to watch and stare at a plant going through his or her hormones.** And that's how baby plants are made! Happy?**" Zetsu explained.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are quite the romance novelist here. Moving on to question six, from Druidical. Zetsu, if you pollinate then you must have both a male and female plant part. Which is the male and which is the female part, Black Zetsu or White Zetsu?"

"**Excuse me? How rude of you!** Well, to answer your question Black Zetsu is actually the fe- **No! Shut up, right now!**" Black Zetsu slammed his part of the arm onto White Zetsu's mouth. White Zetsu pouted silently to himself.

"Ok... Question seven, from WowRude. How do the rest of the Akatsuki feel about you pollinating?"

"**Goddammit! Do you humans have anything better to do than ask us these sick questions?** They like to pick at our flowers, especially Konan, but she's nice so we aren't too tempted to eat her. Plus, she helps us preen during the summers, so it's all good. Sasori doesn't seem to care, Deidara has allergies, Kakazu keeps on asking if they are even worth anything, Pein is fine as long as Konan's happy, Tobi likes it, and the rest are fine with it." Zetsu answered.

"Alright, lucky for you guys there are no more questions on that topic. Now for question eight, from LovelyBunchOfCoconuts. Who is you favorite person to spy on in the Akatsuki and why?"

"**Tobi.** Because he's really interesting. He's always getting into these crazy things, from peeking inside the woman's bathroom, to nearly jumping off a cliff from glee. **The little guy needs someone to watch out for him after all**."

"Oh, so you two are like guardians. Well,_ guardian_ considering that you each share one body." Death acknowledged.

"**Well, yes.** Correct." Zetsu nodded.

"Isn't that sweet. Anyway, question nine from Generosity. Since you are the spy of the Akatsuki, what odd quirks about the members have you noticed over the passed years that you were with them?"

"**All of them?** Well, there's lots about them that are very interesting. Interesting enough for us to stick around. Sasori says he has no emotions with that puppet body, but Deidara still manages to piss him off quite a bit. Deidara is quite the scared sissy when it comes to girls. That nervous wreck. Itachi... Just really loves is brother and really tries to do everything for him. It's actually kinda sad that he could never tell him how he felt until he met his end. Kisame constantly gets himself involved with protests against restaurants that sell sharks fin. It ends badly usually... **For the restaurant**. Hidan is self-explanatory, he swears constantly yet considers himself to be a religious man. Kakazu doesn't get involved with anything unless it has something to deal with money. Pein has this huge crush on Konan, and secretly wants to ask her out. Too bad he never got the chance though. **Yeah, sucks.** Konan is a real sweetheart once you get to know her, though she can be a little cold towards outsiders sometimes. She's like all of our mothers. **Yeah, don't know what we'd do without her actually.** Chaos. **Utter chaos**. Tobi's fun. Although sometimes his fun-time gets a little out of hand once in a while." Zetsu answered.

"Hm... Seems like you guys know a lot about the members." Death complimented.

"**Yes, of course.** After all we are their most trusted spy like you said earlier."

"Yes. Last question, from Peak. What is the best part about being in the Akatsuki for you two?"

"**All of the interesting** people of course!" They agreed. Death chuckled.

"Alright, that was Zetsu everybody. Join us next time for an exclusive bonus interview where we ask all of the Akatsuki for a nice group reunion. Should be fun." Death signed off.

"**Oh, boy.** What fun!"

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**Death: Please post questions in your wonderful reviews on what you want to ask ALL of the Akatsuki. They are really well appreciated. Ask us anything! :D**


	11. Bonus Chapter: All of the Akatsuki!

**Death: Bonus chapter finally uploaded! Please feel free to share this with all of your friends guys. This story is now completed! *passes out***

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"Greeting people of the living. The dead are honored to bring you all ten members of the Akatsuki for one, large group meeting, much to their disdain I'm afraid, but oh well. Fan service is fan service. Dare we listen to their comments?"

"I thought we agreed that this would only take a few minutes of my time. Must we all be brought together like this. It's quite piquing." Sasori sighed and slouched back on his interview chair.

"Yeah, Danna's right, un." Deidara agreed while crossing his arms.

"You don't have to comment on everything I say you know?" Sasori added. Before the little exchange of words could spawn into a theater-wide confrontation, Hidan interrupted.

"FUCK YOU! I told you I don't want some shitty, brown drink!" He shouted, drawing the attention of Death. She turned her head just in time to see one of the poor undead waiters get thoroughly disemboweled with Hidan's three bladed, red scythe right down the middle and everywhere in between. Death frowned and arched her eyebrow at Hidan's temper. You'd think that a lifetime career of assassinating people had left it's job keepers mature enough to handle a bit of tea and coffee.

"Ahem," Death coughed. "I'll have you know that your reckless slashing won't _kill_ anyone. They're already dead, so just calm down and sit." Death gestured to one of the interview seats currently arranged in a circle with Death at the far curve, overseeing all of the members. She waited for the waiter to pull himself back together (literally), attaching and snapping all of his missing limbs back into place and scrambling off with his tail tucked between his legs before she averted her eyes to other sounds.

"Are we getting an extra pay for this?" Kakazu questioned.

"Yes," Death started to get a little tired of the shinobi's way of speaking to her. "You'll be paid generously in your tickets to Heaven. Now, shut up." She snapped lightly. Itachi and Kisame remained seated in their chairs and were as silent as when they first entered through the auditorium doors. Kisame was currently occupied, trying to blind himself with the spotlights, Death supposed. Why else would he look up? Well actually, so was Konan, Pein, and Zetsu...

"Hm?" Death arched her eyebrows before looking up. Big mistake.

"SENPAI!" A candy coated voice shrieked from above. Tobi leaped off the stage ceiling and pounced right on top of Deidara with a crash as the sheer force tipped the chair's back to the floor.

"Get off me!" He flailed and managed to throw the orange masked shinobi off of him and back into an empty interview chair. Deidara then staggered back up, brushed himself off, and sat back down begrudgingly glaring at his former partner.

"Good, now that we're all here, let's commence the interview."

"**But, we're not even dead yet.** Yeah!" Zetsu protested. Death whipped her head around to glare at the two halves.

"You will be in a second if you don't shut up." She hissed. Zetsu remained silent from then. "Now, let's start with question one shall we." Death leaned back against her chair. "From, Vouvezoir. Who does all of your guys's nails? Do you go to a parlor?"

"Well yes, occasionally we stop by at some small towns or villages." Pein answered solemnly.

"Whoa, you're gonna tell them about all that already, un?" Deidara smirked.

"Why not, we're already all dead right?" Konan implied.

"Yeah, no shit, bitch." Hidan laughed.

"Excuse me?" Konan narrowed her eyes at the thought-to-be-immortal.

"Nah, nah, not you sweet cheeks. I meant the blond one with anger issues over there." Hidan nodded to Deidara.

"What'd you say?" He almost stood up.

"Look who's talking." Sasori said bit back at the Jashinist.

"We actually use their service as an excuse to wether we decide to burn it down or not." Itachi answered. "If they manage to do a decent job, we spare them and buy their polish. But if they don't, we burn down the village and leave no survivors while raiding their supplies as much as we can." He answered in such a cold and lifeless monotone, that Death actually thought about recruiting him as one of her deputies. After all, being Death you're always packed on schedule.

"So... The reason you were becoming famous for destroying villages, was because their salon service wasn't good?" Death questioned.

"Well, anything would sound a little stupid when you say it like that." Kisame defended. _All those rush hours, were because some group didn't like a nail salon shop? _Death almost face palmed. She _hated_ rush hours.

"Tobi in it for the candy!" Tobi chided along.

"Besides, sometimes the village is rich _and_ has bad nail service." Kakazu approved.

"You guys soooo don't deserve to go to Heaven." Death whispered under her breath. "Alright, question two, from Warrior of Sangre. Who do you wish to be your partner instead of your current one?"

"Are you kidding me, I couldn't ask for a better partner!" Pein pulled Konan closer.

"Me neither." She agreed and leaned into him.

"Well, can I at least get one that doesn't shout at my face all day with all three of his mouths?" Sasori sighed.

"That's not a nice thing to say, danna." Deidara acted hurt.

"I'd be fine with Sasori." Itachi admitted.

"What, I'm not good enough for you Uchiha?" Kisame's chuckle kind of sounded like a dead cat slowly being dragged to the litter box while on catnip.

"No, you just... Smell like fish." Itachi confessed.

"Oh, I see how it is." Kisame crossed his arms, looking hurt. "Then I'd like to have Konan as a partner instead." He pouted. Pein pulled her defensively close to him while giving Kisame the stink eye.

"Tobi is fine with senpai!" Tobi expressed with a vigorous nod of the head.

"I'm all open for sexy blue here." Hidan winked at Konan. "Stay out of this fish stick." Hidan warned Kisame. Pein just about had it at this point and was just about to hurl himself at the Jashinist when Death interrupted.

"OK, I think that's enough drama here. For me _and_ for Konan" She announced. "Let's just skip to the next question now." She flipped the notebook. "Question three, from The Elementalist. Describe your dream partner."

"Was that even a question?" Sasori sneered.

"One that respects my art, un." Deidara crossed his arms.

"Fine, I'll answer anyway. Well, he or she would have to be easy on the eyes, useful, intelligent, and knows when to shut up or keep out of my way." Sasori complied.

"I'd like an honorary Jashinist babe that knows how to kick ass and get kinky." Hidan advocated. Death frowned and pulled a rope lever beside her and all of the sudden a whole mob of white bunnies dressed in pink bikinis rained down on Hidan like a fluffy strawberry-cream shower. Hidan swatted one over his head and cursed as he finished kicking the rest away off his cloak to land in scattered piles within the audience. They seemed happy to have Hidan infested, bunny souvenirs.

"What the fuck was that for?!" Hidan screamed.

"There shall be no dirty name calling in _my_ auditorium. You here?" Death commanded. With a threatening point of her finger, Hidan went dead silent. "Tobi, Kakazu, Zetsu, I haven't heard from you yet."

"Tobi want someone to laugh at all his funny jokes! Because Tobi is so funny!" Tobi giggled. All of the members rolled their eyes.

"Someone who knows the value of money." Kakazu answered.

"**Why need another partner? I've got my half full with this idiot keeping me company 24/7.** Hey!" Zetsu stated.

"Alright, question four, from Abomination. If you had to destroy a small village all by yourself, what is your opinion on the quickest way to demolish them?" Death asked.

"All by ourselves, huh? Well, I'd have to get to know the village first, and pinpoint it's weakest spots. I'd lure all of the village folk out into a shelter with a few forest fires in the area and just destroy the whole thing before they come back. I'd kill all of the survivors encountered. There, quick and thorough. Although, nothing's more efficient than a whole team to back you up just in case." Pein gestured to all of the members of the Akatsuki.

"I'd actually kill off the village leaders first, and then the ninja, if any at all, royal families, parents, children and infants. Then we could decide wether I should just leave it as a ghost town or just annihilate the evidence completely." Konan described.

"Well, isn't that pretty cold." Sasori began. "I'd just look for an opportunity to get the village all gathered up in one place and take them all out with a little poison needle rain all at once. And if any of their worthless ninja come out of hiding, I'd be well hidden in a hiding place of my own, manipulating it all from afar." Sasori strategized.

"I'd just blow it all up like one of my most prized masterpieces, un. No effort necessary." Deidara bragged.

"Huh, the blonde chick has a point! I'll just march right in there and assassinate everyone until their blood can be seen from the fucking sky! And for the finally, I'll offer up their leaders as sacrifices. All hail Jashin!" Hidan practically threw his whole body into the air along with his fist.

"I'd capture the most important village folk, make allies or neighbors pay for ransom while I raid and kill off all the other lesser members of the town." Kakazu stated.

"... Just burn it to the ground... After I eat all the dango they have." Itachi spoke.

"I know I have to be near a river or sea to do this, but I'd submerge it underwater to feed all of my babies." Kisame smiled from gill to gill. "Or sharks, whatever you prefer."

"Like what happened to Atlantis?" Death questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh... Yeah." Kisame nodded.

"Oh, Tobi don't mean to destroy villages. Village destroying just... Happens!" Tobi perked.

"We're not the all out confrontation type, but we're sure our clones could handle that no problem. **Indeed.**" Zetsu crossed his arms, looking as smug as ever.

"Alright, I'm done with this." Death suddenly flung her notepad all the way backstage, accidentally hitting one of her skeletal crew members in the scull.

"What?" Pein questioned.

"That's it. That was all the questions submitted. Now you may all proceed to Heaven, however much you don't deserve it." Death conjured up a door sized, opalescent portal near the stage ceiling with a single turn of her wrist while teleporting Zetsu back to the living with a single snap for her fingers. "You guys all have legs, so hop to it." Death said goodbye to all of the members as they departed through the white, round gates, some a little more confused than others. However, when Death turned her attention back to the stage, she noticed that Itachi still remained standing.

"Itachi, is there something wrong?" Death asked.

"... Can I ask you a favor?" The Uchiha spoke. Death blinked.

"Huh? Well, of course."

"Could you... Let me stay here? At least until my brother comes back? I'd like to see him again." Was that just a smile on that expressionless Uchiha face?

"Hm, of course. I think this time, your meeting will be permanent." Death smiled back and signed off... For good.

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**Death: Wow, this thing took about a whole year to complete... AND I'M STILL ALIVE! XD Me and Dark won't be on this account as much. Only to talk to a few friends and reply to reviews. Dark and I are REALLY in Homestuck right now and going to a lot of conventions in the meanwhile. I also have lots of inspirations for brand new stories (not fanfics) coming up. *Giggles* See if you guys can find us on wattpad. ;) Anyway, thanks for all the support you guys gave us with view, reviews, favorites, and follows. It really edged us on. I don't think we would've made it this far without you guys! THANK YOU for all of you guys that stuck with us through the bitter end! XD**


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